there is something lovely

about rain that sprinkles

so lightly

yet together forms puddles every where

tiny oceans filled with micro organisms

sailed by brave leaves dying for adventure

stepped upon by tiny giants

dressed in rubber suits

rain sprinklettes kissing your face over and over

so you don’t forget

that this earth loves you

every miniscule part

embracing you in that cold air

so no matter how warm you dress

its seeps in chilling your body

like that first look

in love again

first rains

long rains

overhead clouds

that look like comfy pillows

carrying you off

far away away away

dream away

and smile again

counting

one by one

when reality works in my favor

long a tedious day straining

me like some kind of fool

in love

but of course that is what i am

submerged in adoration that creeps up my spine

like tiny spiders

evicted from their wall

searching for solace

just like i do imagining

safety nets woven with care

destroyed with bristled sticks

to clean

to wipe away

all the fear you cause

that glows in your face

a movie screen

tell our story clear as crystal

the worst part is

no one cares

that you pick me apart

i feel more naked than i ever have

when i open my mouth

can you smell

my rotting tongue

from all those things i cant tell you

because to be honset

i lack

what i need most

i lack the guts to stand up and tell you everything and

press my lips close to yours

tell you to shut the fuck up

because i can swear to him

im worth it

that my veins

and my heart

pump more than blood

but also passion

and despite my lack of the words that matter to me

those that i swear i cant tell you

let me show you

hold my hand

and ill tell you everything

maybe

i just wont use words

finally and it felt kind of good after  woke up in my fathers bed

he had tucked me in .

but to why i broke down

. ********************************************************

i tried so hard not to cry when you pointed out things about myself i couldnt fix ,to make you like me .and you kept picking and picking AND PICKING  till finally i broke down just cried in bed .i couldnt understand why you were being mean even if you meant it as a joke it hurt so so so very much .and today i saw you and i wanted to tell you that i wished you would take me seriously .give me a chance

i chucked the cup i made with all the ugly glazes

one moment

one memory

the recaps

passing through

the  forest

that is your hair

caressing skin

open eyes

fluttering eyelashes

the sun is coming in

the fall leaves float down

turning colors as they reach the ground

crackling underneath out stomping march to no where

to everywhere

alley way kisses

that resonate on our lips

echos

i love yous

catching time in between our fingertips

shaping clouds to our imagination

lay next to me again

lay on top of me again

lay under

lay with me

lay free with me

free from

expectations

the grass makes my skin itch

pick up lets run

run as fast as we can

fall flat on our faces on pavement

let the adrenaline deal with our pain

then stand up and fly

to all those places you promised

sing songs we never heard

my finger tips are cold and your hands

hold mine

subtly but filled with more cradiling our

feeling our hope desires

balanced perfectly on

our winter breaths

you told me to fucking buy it ?

you said that was the best way

and me such a silly girl

had the thoughts run through my head whati should buy

what the hell is wrong with me

then i am almost certain

i will still

wish for you to text me

but i cant because

ive played this game with my self

far to many times

and im done

rolling dice that

lead me no where

done going in circles for some fucker

that doesnt care

but its hard to stop a cycle

maybe theres some kind of aa meeting i can attend

how to not date or like jerks

i cant stop writing

and Boy you have me hurting

heart burning

i like you

i do

like .. like like you

want to grab your face and kiss you like you

do anything for you like you

listen to you every time you speak

lack bias

simply accept

and enjoy your company

and youve turned me down

time and time again and im curious ….

is it worth it

why would i hurt so much if it wasnt ?

or am i the cause to my pain fill my self up

hopes high

thith no way down

my fall and heartbreak comes with

shallow sound

i am a heart breaker

not of men

but of myself

sticking my hand

covered in critisim handed to me

ripping out my heart

so i can taste

the self vengance

of my fear then chuck

my palpitating organ

suffocating

slowly

at a wall

where like glass

falling it shall meet

fate

stain my stupidity to

verify

past statements

that i am a fool

but dont stop there cut off my hands

winding and winding string

till purple

they will pop of

easier

than you think i am

poke out my

eyes with

stubbed wrists

because these

eyes realize

that i

am nothing

more than a pathertic cliche

striving for someone elses will

hoping it

will satisfy

my need of acceptance

let me lay it down

tie my dreams to this town

cuz in my eyes

i am no good

and all this shit that happens

should

and i can rhyme

from time to time

but overall dont bet a dime

i have no talent

but im sooo ambitious

act so fucking vicious

for things

but this mirror

screams fuck up

sound rings

just like my elders

who just lost hope

in this fuckinf dope

so try me

but stop lying

because this talent you see

is fucking blasphemy