how do i earn your affection

you told me to fucking buy it ?

you said that was the best way

and me such a silly girl

had the thoughts run through my head whati should buy

what the hell is wrong with me

then i am almost certain

i will still

wish for you to text me

but i cant because

ive played this game with my self

far to many times

and im done

rolling dice that

lead me no where

done going in circles for some fucker

that doesnt care

but its hard to stop a cycle

maybe theres some kind of aa meeting i can attend

how to not date or like jerks

 

Feeza was right

i cant stop writing

 

and Boy you have me hurting

heart burning

i like you

i do

like .. like like you

want to grab your face and kiss you like you

do anything for you like you

listen to you every time you speak

lack bias

simply accept

and enjoy your company

and youve turned me down

time and time again and im curious ….

is it worth it

why would i hurt so much if it wasnt ?

or am i the cause to my pain fill my self up

hopes high

thith no way down

my fall and heartbreak comes with

shallow sound

 

destruction

i am a heart breaker

not of men

but of myself

sticking my hand

covered in critisim handed to me

ripping out my heart

so i can taste

the self vengance

of my fear then chuck

my palpitating organ

suffocating

slowly

at a wall

where like glass

falling it shall meet

fate

stain my stupidity to

verify

past statements

that i am a fool

but dont stop there cut off my hands

winding and winding string

till purple

they will pop of

easier

than you think i am

poke out my

eyes with

stubbed wrists

because these

eyes realize

that i

am nothing

more than a pathertic cliche

striving for someone elses will

hoping it

will satisfy

my need of acceptance

rap attempt

let me lay it down

tie my dreams to this town

cuz in my eyes

i am no good

and all this shit that happens

should

and i can rhyme

from time to time

but overall dont bet a dime

i have no talent

but im sooo ambitious

act so fucking vicious

for things

but this mirror

screams fuck up

sound rings

just like my elders

who just lost hope

in this fuckinf dope

so try me

but stop lying

because this talent you see

is fucking blasphemy

 

 

 

sonnet

it is my death that tempts me ,sweet freedom

but the rare beauty that presents at times

stops me promptly,seeing purpose to scum

hope for the memory that this agony reminds

hope that these difficult times come with noble reason

that agony’s soil sprouts reason for life

yet my aching heart that screams acts of treason

does lead me towards acts where flesh meets knife

as blood escapes hopes of painting portriats

that span on this plain floor humanity

no longer held captive by this fortress

skin bone straight jackets proves insanity

and yet i live bleed breath exist through all

without a doubt most alive during the fall

to my soul

i always told my self that

when you were dying

and dead

id be ok

but it wasnt supposed to be this way

i am crying

and i am trying to stay so strong

as the rest of my life drags me along

life fucking full speed ahead i

just want to it to stand still

just for a second

for one fucking second

and take mental pictures of everything

because its wilting

because alma your wilting

and it hurts

so much to hear the pain in voice and i am not even there

because your the first

to falter

and i am praying

that you will be ok

but i am so afraid that if i do …

ill admit theres something wrong .. and it will take you away from me

i love you so much

and i feel like telling you everyday

every hour so you dont forget

so you dont leave me

because im selfish

and your mine

and your ours

and its not your time

 

 

 

i love you so much

please get better please

 

i feel as if

i am coming unraveled

made up of yarn …

picking my strands up on occasion

feeling better on occasion

… to the boy from that coffee shop … i mean man

you drive me crazy ive never

acted so stupid in my life

it bugs you so much then why waste your time ?

you think so much of things that havent happened that i feel you forget to enjoy

whats right infront of you

and as much as i do like you

dont waste your time on people you think youll be unhappy with unless it truelly compells you

i wish you would consider me

but i dont expect it

i miss you

normal life where idi you go ?

i am hurting

because your right ..

i fucked up

i always do

trying so hard to please you

and hurting with myself

:/

i wish i was anything

but what i am somedays  i wish i was a puzzle that i could pull apart and put together the way i wanted 

i want to be perfect for every single person i want them to love my company and miss me .. but i feel 

that im there make a little change that means a lot then they go on their lives forgetting me as if i was a stepping stone for something greater 

forgoten as quickly as i was passed 

i wish i could give people hope 

place it in their hands like a small 

light 

floating

warm 

part of my soul 

so that i wont be forgotten but 

a change that last 

a remembered thought that

lingers in memories 

i hate myself somedays

when i look back and realize i gave 

so much of myself away 

just to be thrown aside